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[Chapter Eleven]
Kevin smelled the sweet full bloom red roses which he was holding in his hand and was now expecting Kristin to arrive any moment. He turned on the soft classical music and then looks around the dining table and the whole house for a last check before switching off the lights. He had also deliberately leaved the door slightly open.
Kristin loved surprises unlike Kevin. When they went out, Kevin loved to come up with a whole lot of surprises for Kristin. And whenever they had small quarrels, she would always think that it was her fault and Kevin would send her little hand-made gifts and cards to apologize that he could not be with her. All the quarrels and separations were actually signs that Kevin started to realize his feelings for Nick. But somehow the message seemed to be misunderstood by Kristin. She thought Kevin still loved her and she would appear at his house the very next day, with a huge smile on her face and gave him a hug. And magically, everything were back to normal. After dragging the relationship for a long time, Kevin decided to marry her. He had thought that he would never have the chance to be with Nick and might as well marry this women who had loved him for such a long time. Kevin sighed at the thought. He knew that a thousand and million apologies would never heal her heart. How he wished that there were another he. Maybe the scientists should start cloning people instead of some stupid sheep. Then, Kristin would be happy and so would he. Kristin gets the cloned him and Nick gets him. How perfect.  'In your dreams, Richardson.' he told himself. Kevin stood out of the shadow when he saw the door being opened slowly. "Kevin? Darling? You there?" Kristin called out into the dark. When she reached out her hand to switch on the lights, a hand grabbed onto her wrists. "Oh god!" "Shh... It's me, Kev." "Oh... You scared me." "I'm sorry. This is for you and stand here for a bit while I go light up the candles." "Alright, thanks Kevin. It's beautiful." Kristin smiled, looking at the red roses from the dim lamp outside. While Kevin was lighting up the candles, he was already starting to melt. She looked so happy and Kevin just did not have the heart to tell her that he loves somebody else. He had hoped that she would not look so happy and smile every time she looked at him. Maybe she should be more like Mandy so that Kevin could have a little hate in her and then he would be able to tell her the truth without kept having two thoughts on it. Kevin blew out the flame on the matchstick and walked over to Kristin, taking her hand and leading her to the dining table. "Kevin, wow... I am speechless. Is it any anniversary or something today?" Kevin silently thought, 'Yah, after this moment and down to the future, this day would be the anniversary of our separation.' "Kevin?" "Oh, sorry... No, it's just that it's been a long time we have candlelight dinner and so I decide to gave us one." "That's so sweet, Kevin... I feel so loved." 'No... Please don't call me sweet... I am not. I am going to break your heart. I am a bastard. Don't...' --------------- Kevin's POV --------------- I feel so terrible and keep cursing myself through dinner. Kristin seems even sweeter today and I just could not bring my heart to tell her those heartbreaking lines. As I quietly munch on my food, I am wondering where is Nick now. Oh, he tell me he would be going to his private studio. It almost slipped out of my mind. It is already so late... Has he eaten yet? That boy... he will forget about food and everything once he gets down to work. I hope he has eaten. Oh no, if he has already eaten, then I bet he had his stomach filled with those junk food again. I should have cook something and bring it to him just now. I look up from my food and at Kristin. No, do not smile at me. God, please gave me some selfishness and heartless feeling, I never need them more than now. I was praying silently but my prayers is not answer. I stare back down at my food and pretend to be engross in the food in front of me. Maybe I should think of Nick. I am now doing this to be able to be with him. So, Nick... Give me some strength of having a heart of stone now. I keep repeating this and picturing the happy moments that we will have after going through this roller coaster. The picture of us cuddling with each other together, sitting under the night sky fill with shimmering stars. Feeling nothing is against us in this world and we are free to love. How wonderful. How beautiful the picture I have paint. Just put us into that image without going through all these is all I hope for now. But in reality, this is a test. A test, which if you pass, you will be reward with the present that is truly priceless. ... "Kev? The phone is ringing." "Oh... Never mind about it. I won't like anyone disturb the moment now." Kevin faked a smile to her. 'Damn, it must be Nick. He knew I was thinking of him after all...' he thought. After the dinner, Kevin tuned up the volume to their 'theme' song, 'Stand By Me' and both of them dance slowly to the song. The meaning of this song held a great significance to the both of them. But now, Kevin had to let her 'stand alone'. He tried to appear as happy as possible so that Kristin can remember this moment and hold it in her happiest memories. As Kristin laid her head against Kevin's chest, Kevin could feel the extreme happiness air flowing out of her. But the guiltiness in him just grew even more. "Kev..." Kristin said as she lifted her head up and looks at Kevin straight in his eyes. "I can't believe after so long, we can finally get married and start a family of our own." 'Alright, it's now or never.' Kevin thought. "Kristin... I'm sorry." "Why did you say sorry for?" Kevin walked away from her, went over to the stereo and turned the music off. He took a deep breath before turning around to face her again. "I'm sorry, Kris... We can't get married." Kristin's facial expression was now a mixed of confusion, horrified and it was unreadable at all. "Kevin. Say that again." She hoped that what she had just heard was her hallucination and not for real. "We can't get married. I'm sorry..." Kristin looked at Kevin, shaking her head, "No... You got to be joking, right? Kev, when did you become so naughty?" "It's true, Kris. I'm not joking." Kristin looked at him straight in his eyes in the hope to find a little playful light in it. But alas, there were none. Tears started to brim in her eyes and her right hand flew to cover her mouth to muffle her cries. "Is it me, Kev? Is it? What did I do? Is there another girl? Tell me, Kev! You can't just throw away this relationship that has been build up painstakingly!" "No... Kristin, it's not you and it's not your fault. It's me. Everything is my fault and there is no other girl. No one can compared to you, Kris..." "Then what? There must be something that has happened. Tell me, Kev. Just tell me!" "I... I love Nick." Upon hearing this, Kristin's eyes flew open wide. "WHAT? Nick? YOU love Nick? You... What? You... You're in love with Nick? Nick... Nick Carter... This is absurd! You're a gay?" Kevin cringed at the word 'gay'. "No... I am not what you think-" He hesitated. It was no use explaining everything now. Falling for someone who are not the opposite sex would always automatically registered yourself as a gay. "To tell you the truth, I have slowly fallen for Nick when we broke up after our first concert. After we were back together again, Nick is already there in my heart. I thought Nick and I would never be together and-" "What am I to you when we got back together at that time? A replacement?" she said, her tears flowing down more furiously. Kevin could felt that her heart was starting to split into a thousand, million pieces. "No. I never think in that way. I love you and it's real. I never treat you as a replacement and I really treasure this relationship." "But Kev, I really love you. You are all I have... You can't do this to me." "Kris, I still love you but everything is not going to be the same anymore." Kristin looked away from him and sobbed silently. She stood there for a while, hoping that Kevin would come to her and hugged her. But he did not. She walked over to him and he thought that she wanted to give him a slap. He kept his eyes shut but nothing happened. "I'm not going to slap you. I respect your decision. I love you and it will always stay the same. Thanks for this wonderful dinner." she said and turned to head for the door. "I'm really sorry." Kevin apologized again. Kristin turned around and smiled a sad smile before she disappeared into the darkness. |
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